Some of you have already seen and congratulated me on social media or via text and phone calls and I am eternally grateful for all of you. I am grateful today just to be alive and free and sober in mind and body. I give this credit to God and you people. I was a drunk of the hopeless variety. Honestly I do not have a problem with alcohol. If a person chooses to drink, I will defend their right to drink as much as I defend my own right to stay sober. Today I have been sober for 12 years. I never could have stayed sober 12 minutes on my own accord. The power of God working through you people is what kept me sober all these dozen years. As we say in AA I am gonna tell you a little about what I was like, what happened and what it is like now.

I was arrested for DWI for the very first time at the early age of 17 after running a stop sign. For many years I blamed that stop sign, I blamed the Trooper that pulled me over, I blamed the circumstances not myself and that was one of my first mistakes. Mind you I had taken my first drunk at the age of 13. At a friend’s apartment where I was supposed to be babysitting my friends older sisters kids I drank a case of Budweiser, I vomited and I kept on drinking. See once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It took me many years and many stop signs later to figure all that out. In total I ended up arrested 8 times for DWI before I got sober. Out of those 8 times, I had run a stop sign or stop light probably 7 of the 8 as the reasoning for being pulled over. Out of those 8 times I blamed people places and things and not my own inability to control my drinking. In those years, I caused wreckage to anyone who crossed my path. Several marriages were ruined due to my alcoholism. A relationship with my own children was severely damaged because I chose the drink over them time and time again. Even today I am working towards making that path straight again as well as working towards those amends with my parents and my baby brother. One of the things that I am most guilted even after all these years is the fact that my little brother, the one who looked up to me the most was riding with me in that truck the night I received my very first arrest. If something would have happened to him, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself.

Fast Forward a few years and it brings me to May 18^th and 19^th 2009. People say you always remember your first drink, and your last. I remember very clearly having been to the bar and drinking mixed drinks most likely Weller and coke and returning home to Miller Lite Beer. I was on probation for a Dwi, and I just received another DWI and this one, involved a possession charge for a small amount of cocaine. I was contemplating suicide as I laid on the floor to the room spinning. I had lost my job and was on the verge of losing another wife. I could not hold my liquor, yet I could not stop drinking the stuff. My mind and body were telling me things were true that there was no way in hell that they could even be so. Spinning on the record player on the floor beside me, was Willie Nelson’s album, Shotgun Willie. Just a side note that album is one I still have today, with it’s skips scratches and all. I listen to it and it reminds me of how I once was. I had to report to my Bail bondsman the next day. Needless to say when I showed up at the bondsman, I was still intoxicated and it went badly. Once again I was placed into custody of the county jail. Detox followed; I was on a cold concrete floor with nothing but my own thoughts. The pain and agony. The shakes and the sweats. After thirty some odd days I was sentenced to Texas Department of Criminal Justice. Luckily I was selected for a program called SAFTP. Substance Abuse Felony Treatment Program.

It was at SAFTP that I was able to sober up and begin to reflect on myself and my own behaviors. I saw how my actions had caused harm to others. I am not proud of anything I did. I regret many of the actions that my drinking caused. I only share them today perhaps to help someone understand that no matter how big the storm, there is hope. My light at the end of the tunnel was the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. These people had been right where I was and had somehow made it out of the darkness. I found God again in AA. A forgiving loving God. I realized that God had been with me even in the worst of my disease. He never gave up on me. Much of my family whom I thought had abandoned me, had never given up hope. More recently I learned about how many prayers my mama sent up to heaven on my behalf. How she had contacted clergy and seeked council on how to get me help long before I ever wanted it or thought I needed it myself. My dad could look into my eyes from my very first sip of booze and know that I had been drinking. Yet, when he would ask me, had I been drinking, I would lie and say no. When I would get pulled over after a weekend of heavy drinking and the officer asked how much I had to drink, I would say 2. Once again a bold faced lie. Not only had I lied to them, I had been lying to myself for many many years.

Today I have begun to restore those relationships with my parents and my kids. I often provide assistance and service to others without expecting anything in return. I am only a few days shy of being at the same place of employment for five years. A miracle in itself based on my past history and choices. I am happily married and faithful to the same woman for over four years we have been together. I am a husband, a father, a son , a brother,  a nephew, a cousin, a friend, and a law abiding citizen today. These are the miracles in my life. I am one of God’s biggest fans. These are the promises of sobriety coming through in my life.

Everyone is going through something and I beg you to give it a little time and effort. See your part in the situation and don’t give up to soon. Your miracle is only a moment away. It will happen when God deems it necessary. His timing and not ours. And remember everything happens for a reason.

If nobody has told you they love you today, I do.

Pancho.